You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
