Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
