He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
