all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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