How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think your dad took our porno
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
