apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize