I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I deserve this hangover.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
