My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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