doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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