put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
