I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
