I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
