Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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