After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
