all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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