he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He shit in the fireplace
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