I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
