So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
