So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
