please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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