remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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