i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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