I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
