escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
