I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have already put on my inside pants.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
