i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
