That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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