so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and she was petting her beer can
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
