Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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