hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
not ubering you a puppy
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize