Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize