I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
