the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
