porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
