fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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