Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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