At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
