I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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