are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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