Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
