he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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