I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
