Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We left the knife in your bed.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
