I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
