Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight

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(646): View more from New York

I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.

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(303): View more from Colorado

God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

(720): View more from Colorado

And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"

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(815): View more from Illinois

I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.

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(425): View more from Washington

you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass

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(404): View more from Georgia

I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF

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