The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
