I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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