you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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