I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
