i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
