I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
