omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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