I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
