my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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