i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize