I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
