Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
