Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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