My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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