How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
