I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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