i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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