you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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