My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
