My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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