I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
