THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
