Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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