I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
