Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
