the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
