So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You took a bar mat shot.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
