So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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